Krystal and I met with a genetic counselor today. The results of the amniocentesis last week showed triploidy, meaning instead of two sets of chromosomes, Sara Kay has three. More often than not, these babies are first trimester miscarriages. The ones that survive longer might be stillborn prematurely or might survive all the way to full term and live for a few hours or days after birth. There's no way to predict what will happen with Sara Kay, so for now we just continue to wait and pray. The heart and brain defects with the small growth are pretty typical, and these babies tend to have other problems that can't be seen on ultrasound. There was a concern for a problem called DiGeorge Syndrome because of the specific heart defect seen with Sara, but the test for that was negative.
We have been assured that this was just a fluke occurence, there's nothing we could have done to prevent it, there's nothing we did to cause it, and there will be no effect on future pregnancies. Still, it is all little comfort, Sara has been our first, and we so long to hold her close.
The response we have received from so many people, both people we know and people we have never met has been absolutely uplifting. We want to thank you all again for your prayers and support during this difficult time.
~~Todd and Krystal
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Todd and Krystal,
ReplyDeleteI don't know why it we so often go through life thinking these things only happen in distant, sad stories to people we pity, but don't know. They happen all around us...and they happen to us. I knew of miscarriages and unsuccessful pregnancies when I got pregnant the first time... I had even witnessed a friend go through 4 consecutive miscarriages and become so fragile and distant it was hard to watch. Even knowing her...I never realized that I still thought it would never happen to me. Why is that? When I miscarried my first little baby it happened so fast - within days of finding out I was pregnant - but the pain of the loss was as if I had had this baby with me forever and now he/she was gone. I felt empty, and angry, and helpless, and confused. I went through a full spectrum of emotions and had not really gotten over it when I got pregnant again with my now 6-week old son Jet. I told you before about our scare with him. And even though he is here and well...I am still very in touch with those feelings I had when we were told we would lose another baby. I was in shock at first as I'm sure you were. Disbelief that we would be subjected to this kind of pain - even more unbearable than the first loss. As a mother I can attest that there is no stronger desire than to protect and comfort your child. The realization that we are not in control of our own baby's safety and well being is difficult to grasp. And the only way we can be at peace with that scary truth is to trust the One who is. I have to confess I had a hard time keeping my faith in God's plan for my life when I miscarried - I felt more anger and resentment than I would like to admit to. But overall I felt confused and hurt that God would do this to me and my baby. Until an unexpected friend suggested that God didn't DO this to me, bad things happen because of the world we live in, and that God was crying WITH me in my suffering and that He would keep my baby for me, in a place far better than this world, until I can be with Him and my baby again. Talk about a wow moment. So - you have a difficult road ahead. But fight the urge to feel that no one understands. I feel for you so so deeply. And although I struggled with God's plan for me...when it came down to it I turned desperately to Him in prayer for my son. Why were our prayers answered this time and not the first? I don't think I will ever know. Maybe they were. His understanding is greater than mine. But even as ignorant as I still feel I am so, so thankful for my baby boy. He is the light after the storm....and I pray your light will shine down on you soon. Much love, Joanna Penny
My son Sam has a random defect in his heart. They told me it was nothing I did, and nothing that could have prevented it. I can tell you from experience that you never stop feeling like it's your fault in some way. But the one thing I have learned from our experience is that we don't take life for granted. Once we got through the hurt and the anger, we looked at life differently. You will too. You will see people who take their children and their health for granted, as we do. You will be angry and sad for them, like we are. But YOU will be changed for the better. You will take on a whole new approach to life and to parenthood.
ReplyDeleteI have to listen to my own advice on this, because I still struggle with it at times when it comes to our son. But Sara Kay's existence and struggles will touch you and SO many others, and we will all be forever affected. God is with you, and we are all here for you. If you need anything, I trust you will ask your incredible support group for it. We're here for you!
Kathy Wimberly
todd,
ReplyDeleteemily told me about your blog. i just want to say we're thinking of you and praying for you and your family. best of luck to you and krystal...i can tell you're already wonderful parents to little sara kay and love her so much. i can't imagine what you're going through, but i hope you two come through it stronger and closer to each other. cherish every moment you have.
love,
holly (miller) hunt